Thursday, January 1, 2015

Curtain Rods
By Jack Bogut

This story was sent to me by a long time listener. She says she doesn’t personally know the people involved. Really.
A woman spent the first day after the divorce was final packing her personal belongings. On the second day, she had the movers come. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at the dining room table, put on some soft music, and feasted on shrimp, caviar, and champagne. When she had finished, she went into each room and placed a few shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods, and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners hung everywhere. Exterminators brought in gas canisters, and the happy couple had to move out for a few days. They even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. Friends stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house again. The maid up and quit. Finally, the man and his girlfriend could not take the stench any longer and decided to move to other quarters and put the house up for sale.
The frustrated man and his now live-in girlfriend listed the mysteriously aromatic house, moved into an apartment and had to open the windows when they unpacked. It took a week for animals to quit following them and the smell to disappear from their clothing. Even though they cut the price of the pungent house in half, they could not find a buyer. Word got out and eventually local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
It was about this time the ex-wife called and asked how things were going. He told her a trumped up story about too many memories in the house and that he was selling it. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how foul the smell was, he agreed on a price that was much less than it had been worth, but only if she would sign the papers that day without visiting the house.  
She agreed, they met with an attorney, signed the paperwork and the house was hers again.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything in the house to take to their new home.
Even the curtain rods!
You have to love a happy ending!

Jack Bogut.

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